Nearly 1 in 4 couples admit to hiding a financial secret from their partner, according to recently released data from Fidelity Investments. Financial advisors and behavioral experts say the finding underscores the role advisors can play in addressing money conflicts before they derail financial plans.
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While 91% of respondents said they talk openly about money with their partner, only 29% reported actually talking about daily finances with them.
The report also found that 70% of couples in relationships don’t know the other’s full financial picture until they move in together. Half of couples said they wished they talked more about their day-to-day spending, and more than 40% said they avoid money conversations to prevent arguments.
Lack of trust, communication and each person doing what’s right in their own eyes are relational root causes of financial infidelity, he added.
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“When my wife and I were first considering getting engaged, she was unenthusiastic about sharing her student loan debt because of a feeling of shame,” Hollis said. “But her being vulnerable about that was part of the foundation of trust that was built between us.”
Creating a safe space for partners to be honest and rebuild trust after financial infidelity is key, Hollis said.
The challenge for advisors is that many couples avoid money talks altogether. These conversations are avoided not because of unstable circumstances or overspending, but because discussing personal finances can be a touchy topic, financial behaviorist Jacquette M. Timmons said.
“It’s not about the numbers,” Timmons said. “It is about the degree to which people are allowing themselves to feel vulnerable and to which they are allowing themselves to be open to someone’s expectation of them, and the shame or the guilt that may come from if they expose something that is not favorable to them.”
Couples often expect the other person to think and behave with money exactly as they do, Timmons said, which can
“The reality is we behave differently with money because we grew up in different households, we have different cultural influences and experiences that shape what and how we spend,” Timmons said.
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Advisors can help by ensuring that client meetings are not the only time money conversations occur, Timmons said. They can encourage clients to routinely have these discussions at home — and make sure the conversations are consistent and not just transactional.
Wealth advisors can also ask clients about their
Nearly 60% of couples don’t contribute equally to household finances, and 23% said the imbalance affects the relationship, according to the Fidelity study. Meanwhile, 56% monitor their partner’s spending.
Advisors can even reverse engineer a recent financial decision for clients. That involves analyzing what each partner considered and weighed the pros and cons of, as well as how the spending impacted the relationship, Timmons said.
“It really is a matter of investing the time to understand why do your clients believe the way that they believe or
